Independence Day and Publication Jitters

Jitters:
I'm jittery about the July 18th publication date, and Dad's advice is sounding pretty good right now. This winter he suggested I put my manuscript up on a shelf and wait five years to see if I still feel the same way about what I've written.

Shelving my book would have saved me from this current "what have I done?" stage I'm navigating through this week. Maybe you're wiser than me and never do this. For me, it goes this way.

1. Great Idea - Unicycle Straight Into Gay America and write a book.
2. Do the Project.
3. Make it public.

Part 2a, right before the Make It Public stage, is my Doubt the Project stage, this tangled emotional mess of perfectionist longings coupled with the realization that the only perfection comes with doing nothing. I've been stuck here before.

Closets:
Straight Into Gay America continues to reveal more to me. And much of the learning is about closets. Closets are so tempting. Even after all the riding. Even after all the writing. I'm still back here again. If it's like other times, this too shall pass, I'll regain my bearings, and pedal out again on the imperfect journey.

We are Human Beings and we are OK just the way we are.
Every time I sell a pre-ordered book online I get a notice from Blooming Twig Books and I write a brief thank you note to the reader. People are often kind enough to write back. This note arrived this morning, and today, on this Independence Day, I'm going to overcome my doubting self-absorption and focus on the story of this family. Maybe this is the letter to get me over the hump and into the next phase of putting this book out. Listen...

Hi Lars,
I just wanted to thank you for what you are doing. I am a gay woman in the deep south and my partner and I are lucky to work together. We endured several years of harassment at work and we've survived it with our heads held high. I think that once people saw that we were not going to run away and hide, they finally gave up and left us alone. We have been together in a committed relationship for almost 9 years and we are raising two beautiful children together that had been given away and left to perish. I've watched these two children grow and become wonderful people with a great life and an even better future. I know that many American's think that same sex parents aren't good parents and shouldn't have children, but we are living proof that we can be good parents and we can raise great children. We are so grateful to you and to all you have given up to get our message out there. We are human beings and we are ok just the way we are.

Thank you friend.
Thank you friends.
For the power of shared stories.

Blessings,

and on this Independence Day,
prayers for a world that turns toward compassion and care,

Lars